Your hero has no receipt.
The first screen makes a claim, but the proof shows up too late. Move review count, guarantee, and comparison above the first CTA.
$5 · Apple Pay or card · No subscription
Your site is leaking money.
Get the fix plan for $5.
A fast, sharp teardown of your website using the Sharma Brands playbook: CRO, creative, offer, proof, email/SMS capture, and paid-media message match. Pay $5, get the entire thing.
Roast includedCopy rewritesPage rebuild mapPDF export
Cheaper than one bad click. More useful than a generic 20-page agency PDF. Pay once, no upsells, no email warmup.
The product
Not a score. A working plan.
Most audits stop at “this needs work.” This tells you what to kill, what to keep, what to rewrite, what proof is missing, and what to test next.
150,000+ customers. 365-day guarantee. Premium sheets, zero markup.
Replace vague “better bedding” language with proof + mechanism + risk reversal.
Run proof-led hero vs. sale-led hero.
If paid traffic is cold, proof needs to beat discount as the first frame.
Free examples
See what a paid audit looks like.
Two full sample reports are open so you can inspect the quality before you buy. Same format, same sections, same exportable report.
Full sample audit
Loverboy
A full sample audit for a celebrity-backed beverage brand.
drinkloverboy.com →Full sample auditTrue Classic
A full sample audit for a scaled apparel basics brand.
trueclassictees.com →Full sample auditSKIMS
A full sample audit for a category-defining intimates and shapewear brand.
skims.com →Why this isn’t AI slop
Most AI audits read like horoscopes. This one reads like a strategist.
There’s a reason the output looks the way it does. It’s not a wrapper around a generic chatbot.
Trained on the Sharma playbook
Not generic CRO advice. The model loads the exact rubric used to grow $500M+ in DTC: hook frameworks, brag bar mechanics, push/pull architecture, and the AI-slop phrases that get killed on sight.
Powered by Claude Opus 4.7
Anthropic's flagship reasoning model. We tested four models head-to-head — Sonnet 4.5, Opus 4.7, GPT-5.5, GPT-5.5 Pro — and Opus was the only one that wrote real headlines instead of '$X/serving' placeholder copy.
Renders your actual site
A headless browser pulls real H1s, CTAs, hero copy, and visible buttons. Most AI audit tools score the meta description and call it a day. We grade what your traffic actually sees.
Specificity is enforced
Every score has a one-sentence reason. Every fix has a why, a how, and a working example. Vague adjectives — clean, premium, elevate, modern — are explicitly banned in the prompt.
Read three full samples before you pay
Loverboy, True Classic, SKIMS — every section, every rewrite, every test plan, fully visible. Same format you'll get. No bait, no demo mode, no upgrade tier.
$5, one time, no upsells
Pay. Generate. Get the link + PDF. We're not capturing your email to warm you up for a $5K retainer. The product is the product.
What you get
Scorecard
Hook, specificity, founder/POV, offer, proof, and visual system scored with plain-English rationale.
Hero rewrite
A sharper headline, subhead, proof chips, and CTA you can paste into the first screen.
Page rebuild map
Hero, brag bar, comparison, offer, reviews, FAQ, and final CTA mapped section by section.
Proof checklist
The exact trust assets, numbers, reviews, claims, and receipts the page is missing.
Creative hooks
Ad angles and hooks that match the page, not generic UGC prompts.
PDF + share link
A polished exportable audit you can send to your founder, team, client, or designer.
The Sharma lens
It looks at the whole growth system.
CRO
Hero clarity, CTA intent, page order, objection handling, PDP friction.
Creative
Ad hooks, founder POV, angle-market fit, message match.
Offer
Discount framing, bundles, guarantee, shipping threshold, urgency.
Proof
Reviews, press, certifications, comparison, customer counts, claims.
Retention
Popup offer, email/SMS capture, welcome-flow angle, second purchase.
Roadmap
15-minute fixes, test plan, and what to ship next.
Who uses this
Before you spend another dollar on traffic.
DTC founders who know the page is not converting but need a prioritized fix list.
Growth marketers who need new hooks, proof angles, and landing page tests.
Agencies auditing prospects or clients and needing a sharp artifact fast.
Operators about to launch a funnel, PDP, sale, or paid-media push.
Questions
Useful, fast, exportable.
Is this just a roast?
No. The roast is the hook. The product is the fix plan: rewrites, module changes, proof gaps, tests, and exportable recommendations.
What happens after I pay?
Stripe confirms payment, then the audit generates. You’ll see a live progress screen while it reads the site and builds the report.
How long does it take?
Usually 45–90 seconds after checkout. Heavy or protected sites can take a little longer.
Can I share it?
Yes. Every paid audit gets a permanent link plus PDF export.
What if the site blocks scraping?
The audit still runs from available page signals, URL/category context, and any notes you add.
Try a known brand
Pick a site or paste your own. $5.
Pay $5 with Apple Pay or card →One time. No subscription. Apple Pay, Google Pay, or any credit card.